THIS.
and crew listed below...
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
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From the cockpit on
KULULA.COM- South Africa's Budget Airline
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY
NTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO
TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg .
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
examples that have been heard or reported:
------------------------------------------------------------------
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you
want)
passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant
announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in
it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with
a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies
and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin
lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings.. If
you're going to leave
anything, please
make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this
airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business
as much as
we enjoyed taking you for a
ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone
voice came
over the loudspeaker: "Whoa,
big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a
flight
attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead
compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth .
To
operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
like every other seat belt; and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from
the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child
travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling
with more than one small
child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to
have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or
your money, more than Kulula
Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
emergency
water landing, please paddle
to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left
behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased
to
announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them
are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The
flight
attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what
y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's
fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and
bumpy
day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely
hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The
Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of
our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to
please remain seated as
Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the
runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at
the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our
airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She
said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot.
"What is it?" The little old
lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on
with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew
have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire
smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you
can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for
flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting
through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula
Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the
smoking
section on this airplane is on
the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising
altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and
gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop
from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should
have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY
GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on
the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.
While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee
in my lap. You should see the
front of my pants!"
A passenger then
yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
